The previous edition of the Activist which encapsulated views of
several youth on abortion sparked a heated debate on the local social media
scene and the blogosphere. Some comments questioned if 'pro-life-ers are anti
women'. Some even revealed shocking
statistics such as: 77% of all pro-life leaders are male, and 54% of women who
have had an abortion say they used contraception. As such, one stark reality
that all pro-life responses underscored was the self evident truth that unless
you've walked a mile in the shoes of someone who’s had or at least contemplated
abortion; your criticism is only as credible as straight people condemning gay
rights or the perfectly healthy denouncing euthanasia. Among the emails I received
was the one from Ranmali (26). Hers was a deeply personal insightful message.
This is her
story:
“I believed that abortion was something I will never consider going
through until it affected my life. But the morality and all the teaching aside,
I think people should be more careful about what they preach, especially when
they don’t have a clue about what goes on in a person’s mind when confronted
with a situation that is totally unexpected. Sure, a lot of people can say that
if one has sex, they should be aware of the consequences, but then, for those
who do take the necessary precautions against it, and still end up pregnant,
what does the world say to them? I was not ignorant of the consequences of
intercourse, nor was I not informed of contraceptives. I think I am one of
those examples of what people call “everything gone wrong”. I loved my
boyfriend, and I was ready to start a family with him. But I did not expect to
have a child till the moment I found out that I was pregnant. It came as a shock
to me. I was hit with another blow when I found that my boyfriend was cheating
on me. He was pro abortion from day two of us getting to know that I was
pregnant. On day one, he was happy thinking that he was going to become a
father. It was after some time later that I found out that he was cheating on
me. It kind of explained to me why he wanted to get rid of the child.
Nevertheless I was not convinced that I wanted to go through something illegal
nor did I want to kill my child. But sometimes we are faced with situations
where we do not have much choice. Do I raise a child alone and let society call
me a 'bad woman' and my child a bastard, or do I put an end to all this and go
through an abortion? I ended up keeping the child. This led to a lot of dilemmas
in life. I could never have done something illegal. And yet the options that
were available were not the safest either. I was told by many that certain
doctors would perform abortions, and was recommended certain hospitals as well.
But knew I could not face the world if something went wrong, nor could I
imagine how it would feel after the abortion. But what surprised me were my
mum’s sentiments on hearing that I was pregnant. She said that she would have
made sure I terminated the pregnancy had she known in advance. Sometimes
parents can surprise you, my mother certainly did. I never thought that they
would react to a pregnancy in that way, but I guess most of us judge things
wrong. If we take a closer look, I am sure that despite laws that prohibit abortion,
there would be many who would see things in a logical manner and act without a
shroud of imposed morality blocking their senses.”
If 77% of all anti-abortion leaders really are male: then 100% of
them will never get pregnant. As such, it
may be difficult for us men to relate to pregnancy and everything else it
entails: from the bulging belly and disapproving parents to ridicule from
distant relatives and pro-lifers shouting ‘murder’. After all, if you can't
trust a woman with a choice how can you trust her with a child?
Originally published on The Nation:
Originally published on The Nation:
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